#57. My Dating Coach Show is Posted Here…

 Dating, Divorce, Inspirational, Marriage, Men, Support, Therapy  1 Response »
May 142012
 

I am not going to write very much on this topic and let the show speak for itself.  I will say that I did not sleep last night after I watched this as I look like a whale and am considering starting to smoke again.  I have no idea when I gained this much weight, but in the spirit of accepting myself exactly the way I am at this moment (which is making me slightly ill…) I am posting the second show for your viewing pleasure.  I have posted the second show as the first show is a lot of the background info about myself and has banners on the screen that actually reads, “Hayley’s Issues:….”  For me, this is a train wreck and I am the train.    But in the show posted here, the Host gives some great, honest advice and I’m sure that  if it was not me looking like I am on my way to have to have a wall broken down by a team of construction workers in order to remove me from my apartment then I would really like the show.  I would say more but I am on my way for a two hour run which I intend to continue everyday until I can look at an image of myself and not vomit.

The Dating Coach with Malka Schulman Ep. 4 from David Grossman on Vimeo.

#56. Happy Mother’s Day!

 Custody, Divorce, Inspirational, Marriage, Motherhood  No Responses »
May 122012
 

What a strange holiday.  I don’t like any holiday that tells people who to appreciate and how to feel.  And  ‘Mother’s Day’ is no exception.  For me, being a mother is such a profoundly rewarding  experience that I don’t require external reinforcement.  There is not one day that goes by when I don’t look at my son and marvel at how lucky I am to have him in my life.  I don’t need my son to show me gratitude for being his mom.  It is I who feels grateful to be his mom!  Even when responds to me with a grunt like a Neanderthal, I have to smile as I have had the incredible honor of watching him evolve from my little dependent baby into an independent pubescent, hormonal, funny, inquisitive, courageous, all-knowing and brooding pre-teen.

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#55. I-Scream

 Aging, Divorce, Employment, Fear, Finances, Funny, Inspirational, Marriage, Men, Motherhood, Self-Destruction, Strength, Support  4 Responses »
May 052012
 

I was at the office this week when I heard a familiar sound. It was the chimes of an ice cream truck passing slowly on the street below my window. I was instantly transported back to my childhood. Growing up I lived in a townhouse development with many young families, so the ice cream truck came through my neighborhood often. I flashed back to a moment when I was eight years old and heard the chimes outside our house. I had one silver dollar. It was all the money I had to my name. I thought to myself, ‘you only live once – get an ice cream – you deserve it!’ I fetched my silver dollar and went outside but I couldn’t see the truck. To my horror, what I did see was many of the neighborhood moms running from their houses carrying huge knives in their hands! It was like everyone had gone mad and was on a murderous rampage! Good Lord! I didn’t know what to do! Turned out it was a knife sharpening truck that was chiming, but how was I supposed to know that? I had expected to go outside, buy myself an ice cream and have a perfectly lovely experience, not look around and fear for my life. This whole ‘having expectations’ is a dangerous business.
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#54. Coincidence?

 Dating, Funny, Marriage, Men  No Responses »
Apr 132012
 

Sometimes there are coincidences that are so strikingly bizarre and seemingly tailored just for me that I have to stop and question the nature of the event and life in general.

Some people think that there is a force of “fate” in each of our lives where we are destined to experience certain events, people, places or accomplishments. Other people think that every experience is ordained, created by, and under the total control of a God or Gods. And then there is the concept of ”The Butterfly Effect”, born out of the chaos theory coined by mathematician and meteorologist Edward Lorenz, that recognizes the sensitive dependence on unforeseen initial conditions which can drastically alter a situation rendering predicted outcomes outside of a controlled environment impossible. Dr. Carl Jung believed that events or thoughts with common meanings are attracted to each other in “synchronicity”. And even with all of Freud’s laborious efforts to analyze the human psyche, he recognized that “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”.

I have no idea what life is about, how it was created and if there is in fact any meaning that I would ever be able to comprehend in this existence. I have pretty much accepted that life is a series of random events with only the meaning that we subjectively attach to it. Why am I contemplating the nature of existence? Because weird things have been happening.

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#53. Lucky Me!

 Funny, Motherhood, Strength, Uncategorized  4 Responses »
Apr 082012
 

In an earnest effort to support and encourage my son’s testosterone driven music interests, I bought him two tickets for a ‘Death Metal’ concert that he was ‘dying’ to attend. I told him that I would drop off and pick up both he and a friend of his choice from this, his first real concert. But the concert was last night on a weekend where his friends were busy with family activities for either Easter or Passover. So I offered the tickets to my son’s father hoping that my ex could suck up the ‘Death Metal’ in the name of male bonding. No luck there. Sigh. I seemed to be the only one left to accompany my son to this ‘concert’. I felt bad for him that he was stuck going to a ‘Death Metal’ concert with his forty-one year old mother. I also felt bad that I had to go as any form of music with the term ‘Metal’ in it is simply not my forte.
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#52. Dating?

 Aging, Dating, Divorce, Employment, Fear, Inspirational, Marriage, Men, Motherhood, Self-Destruction, Sex, Strength, Support, Therapy  5 Responses »
Mar 252012
 

Yesterday I saw “The Hunger Games” which was a truly riveting and nauseating experience. This film was so well done and disturbing that it hits you on a visceral level. Although, maybe my nausea didn’t come from the intensity of “The Hunger Games”, but from a trailer viewed prior to the feature. The trailer was for a movie by Tim Burton about Abraham Lincoln. The very gritty and dramatic trailer seemed like it was going to probe the early life of Abraham Lincoln until the Abraham Lincoln character broke out into a bunch of John Woo type of ninja moves. I felt like I was hallucinating as the tagline of this film, spoken in a deadly serious tone: “It takes the living to kill the dead”, was followed by the title of this movie which came across the screen. “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. I kid you not. The entire theatre broke out into laughter with murmurs questioning the absurdity of what we had all just witnessed. Who on planet earth found this concept a good one? Goes back to my theory about luck: a total moron, or in this case, a bunch of brainless twits can earn a lot of money and be successful due to sheer luck. The luck here being that it took a large lot of complete buffoons to conceive, green light, produce and release this total insult to anyone with a synapse. Has the world gone completely mad? Whatever. I have more interesting things going on than fixating on something so stupid. I am going to have a session with a dating coach for a television show to be aired on a US network.
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#51. March Break

 Custody, Divorce, Employment, Fear, Finances, Funny, Motherhood  6 Responses »
Mar 122012
 

I think I spoke too so when I thought that everything was going well. Man, everything is so temporary! I think the aliens, who I have previously theorized created this world to watch us as a form of entertainment, were getting bored with me. They were clearly longing for the good ol’ days when my pants fell down at a job interview. Lately I’ve been boring them to distraction with my monotonous Convent style lifestyle. Well they had just about enough of my early to bed and staying out of trouble routine. “Mrs. I have a job and am a responsible adult now is just not humiliating herself anymore”. Better change that! If I wasn’t going to find trouble, then dang nabbit, they would ensure that trouble finds me.
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#50. I’m Turning Into My Grandfather

 Aging, Diet, Divorce, Employment, Fear, Finances, Funny, Motherhood, Therapy  4 Responses »
Mar 042012
 

Reading the obituaries today, apparently “Percy Smith died suddenly at 96.” Suddenly? How shocked could his family really be, he was 96? Then again, why am I reading the obituaries anyway? Something strange has happened to me. Since emerging from my decade long self-imposed isolation, interacting with other humans has proved that I was alone WAY too long. Since my world consisted of me and my son, I was the judge and jury of all things. I made all the decisions for both of us without much input from anyone else. My ex, the courts and the world seemed insane and highly overrated. Best to retreat from the ignorant, submental world I thought. I liked having gained control over my own environment on my own terms much more than society’s. But now that I work with other people, I can see that I have developed some personality and character challenges that I need to work on pronto.
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#49. Everything is Good?

 Aging, Custody, Divorce, Employment, Fear, Finances, Funny, Inspirational, Legal/Lawyers, Marriage, Men, Motherhood, Single Events, Strength, Support, Therapy  3 Responses »
Feb 262012
 

I’ve settled into my new job Writing & Producing videos. It’s amazing to me how good I am at what I’m doing as I forgot that I was capable of being a normal human being. For so long I defined myself solely as a ‘single mother’, and saw myself as a bit of a tragic character. I looked ahead and saw myself begging for change on a park bench. Who knew that being a single mother would’ve made me a much stronger, capable and mature human being. I woke up today realizing that I am totally out of ‘crisis’ mode. My ex and I have settled a long three year battle over child support, I have a bit of money in the bank and a job that I am really good at. I have this nagging feeling that I’m forgetting some disaster that I am blocking out or something.
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#48. In The Middle

 Aging, Fear, Funny, Health and Beauty, Strength  1 Response »
Feb 122012
 

Working in a trendy downtown Toronto neighbourhood has forced me to confront a couple of realities about myself that are highly unpleasant. The entire vicinity of my office is swarming with good looking, well groomed and dressed, fit 20 something’s. They are everywhere. Fresh faced with their whole lives in front of them, gliding past me in their Christian Louboutin’s while busy on their iphone’s making decadent party plans for the evening ahead. Reality Check #1.: I will NEVER look the way I did when I was in my 20’s EVER again. That ship has sailed and no amount of spa treatments, fillers or plastic surgery will change that fact. The only thing that has made me feel better is when I see elderly people who make me grateful to not be them. Reality Check #2.: I dismiss the elderly as I am dismissed by the 20something set. I admit that when I am grocery shopping and an old person is blocking the aisle and moving at a snail’s pace to spend the next two hours buying that one banana, I get annoyed. I am middle aged and understand that the first part of my life is over. The half of my life where I enjoyed good health, boundless energy, fast metabolism, a vast social network and endless opportunities in all realms, is over. Looking at the elderly and my own prejudicial judgements about them has opened my eyes to see what I have to look forward to in my not so ‘golden’ years. I am looking at the future and it’s bleak!
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