#6. The Gift That Keeps On Giving
The fact that you will be connected to the father of your child/children for the rest of your life takes on a whole new meaning when you are no longer a couple. At least here in Ontario, Canada, you will most likely get Joint Custody unless your ex has physically abused your child/children, is actively on crack, or is incarcerated. Ontario Family Courts distinguish between abuse on the mother versus abuse on the child. If a man abuses his wife in anyway, he will still most likely get Joint Custody. Apparently abuse on the mother of his child does not reflect on his ability to parent. After all, maybe he just abuses women. Can you believe that shit? This means that all major decisions like religion, school, etc. must be agreed upon by both parties.
If your ex hates you more than he loves his child/children, “co-parenting” can be ludicrous. One tactic that your ex may use to assert his authority for the sake of it, is the ever popular ‘ignoring’. Your ex may just ignore your existence and your attempts to co-parent via emails and/or phone calls. Acknowledging you, would mean that you are an actual human being, and that is not the message that he wants to send. At least this tactic is quiet. Not helpful, but quiet. A louder tactic to is to materialize out of no where in order object, obstruct and control any decisions you are advocating for on behalf of your child/children’s wishes. This is why lawyers specializing in Family Law are so damn rich.
When I left my ex, I was worried that I was crazy like he kept telling me. Maybe he was a great guy and I was a psychotic who has lost her grip on reality. Had he proceeded to treat me with respect and kindness since the split, I would have hated myself for eternity and blamed myself for destroying what would’ve been a happy family. That would’ve been torment. Lucky for me, he has treated me with unrelenting anger, hatred and venom for the past ten years. He re-affirms why I left him almost every time he opens his mouth. You’d think he would send me a basket with a thank-you note for leaving him. He never even liked me! My leaving was a gift to him. Instead of receiving a basket for my generosity, I get him. The gift that keeps on giving.