Realities on Divorce, Dating, Parenting and Re-Invention

#8. Cougar? More Like a Turtle

8 Cougar Turtle

#8. Cougar? More Like a Turtle

For some reason people think that if you are at a certain age and single, then you have become some sort of predator. The term “Cougar” comes to mind to describe a middle aged woman on a desperate rampage to have Olympic style sex with a young man.  She requires a younger man, as only a twenty-something male can sustain the energy demanded by the “Cougar’s” insatiable sexual appetite.  This conjures up a caricature of a drunken bimbo with skimpy clothes, heavy make-up, highlighted coiffed hair, and packing a set of handcuffs in her designer handbag.

I don’t know about any of you, but all that sex was how I got into this mess to begin with.   I guess I can imagine a woman who has just been released from a long term marital prison and is going apeshit, but that sure isn’t me. I get many of these twenty-something year old dudes asking me out.  After I reject them on the grounds of our obvious age disparity, they reveal that their real intention is of a purely sexual nature.   I am always stunned at their presumption of my willingness for empty sex with a young guy simply because I am forty years old.  It’s like they think I had a labotomy mandated by the state due to my age.

To be perfectly honest, I had enough sex with twenty-something guys when I was twenty-something.  Now I’m too old for that shit.  I used to have an ashtray on my nightstand, now I have a tube of Ben-Gay in case my knee acts up.  I’m also too darn lazy. Since my daily uniform is a range of various sweatshirts, over-sized t-shirts and yoga pants with my hair piled on top of my head, I’m not about to shower, find clean clothes, locate make-up and wear heels for just anyone.  I don’t think so.  And there is no way I’m givin’ it up without a relationship or for free.  No – I am not, nor have I ever been a Prostitute.  I would have WAY more money if that were the case.  But, absolutely not will I volunteer to be a vessel for any dude to use for sex. I mean, I don’t even get a dinner?  What has happened here?

Maybe it’s true, if you don’t use it you lose it.  Sex is like the last thing on my mind these days.  If anything, I dream about carbs.  Bread, Pasta, Potatoes…  I try to abstain from carbs in general, as my metabolism is not at all what it used to be.  But sometimes I get the urge and buy a big bag of barbecue kettle chips, a baguette and butter and go to town.  I am certain that eating carbs releases the same endorphins as sex.  Besides it’s less complicated, and more fulfilling than sex with a stranger.  Think I’m much more than a vagina anyway, and any dude that thinks differently is an idiot that I don’t want in my realm.  I’m not a Cougar, I’m a Turtle.  Slow to move, likes to hang out, happy in my shell and will put forth effort when it’s worth it.


  1. Rachel
    RachelSep 01, 2011

    I share your feelings about “empty sex”. Not for me! And it seems like that’s all that anyone is about these days…and once you tell a man no, he just moves onto the next one that will do what you wouldn’t….it’s kind of sad, but oh well! I’ll wait for something better!

    • Hayley
      HayleySep 02, 2011

      Greener pastures! Better to find out that all a man wants is sex as soon as possible. Then you don’t have to waste your time! Thanks for reading and your comment. Keep ‘em coming!

  2. Helen
    HelenSep 02, 2011

    It’s all so true and for the record, I absolutely hate the ‘C’ word! I think Cougar is way worse than that other ‘C’ word and it’s totally unjust for an entire generation of women to be branded this way just because we are 40+, single, successful and happen to take the time for exercise and proper personal hygiene.

    What is the equivalent for the men in our age category that are out there who don’t put in the effort we do and as a result are sashaying around with their big pot-belly and comb-over hairstyle who look like they were dressed by Ernie’s friend Bert, unabashedly asking out girls young enough to be their daughters???

    I hate to admit it, but these days sitting in bed with a good book and a fine glass of wine is far more interesting and satisfying than most of the men of dated in recent history.

    • Hayley
      HayleySep 02, 2011

      Amen Sister!

      • Robinson
        RobinsonNov 12, 2011

        Ab fab my gdooly man.

    • Chopperpapa
      ChopperpapaSep 07, 2011

      I can attest to the fact that my similar age bro’s have given up every time I walk into the gym locker room. Most of my friends in the same stage of life (40 and divorced/single) have just enough money to think that a nice car and an expensive dinner should do the trick.

      Hence they are and will continue to be alone.

      And from what I can tell..a Cougar is defined as any woman dating or with a man 10 or more years her junior regardless of her own age. I think the latest trend is the Puma (which I think is 15 or 20 years older than him). I wonder if they carry formula in their purse just in case?

  3. Alysha
    AlyshaSep 02, 2011

    I think I have just found my new blog obsession. Love your honesty :) keep it up!

    • Hayley
      HayleySep 02, 2011

      Thanks for reading! Love to hear about any topics you would like me to cover!

  4. Sue
    SueSep 02, 2011

    This is great stuff you’re writing and I do like your writing!! A lot of women out there need to hear confirmation that they are not alone and you are right on target. Media labels are for making money and anyone trying to get their life back doesn’t need to be hearing that crap.

    • Hayley
      HayleySep 02, 2011

      I totally agree! When I was going through a rough time which seemed to last forever, I felt so isolated and alone. I am so pleased that you are enjoying this blog! I think the sooner one becomes honest with themself is the sooner that they can move on. I know honesty has been the key for me!

  5. tewcretZelo
    tewcretZeloNov 19, 2011

    Hello everyone,

    This is my first post here. I am james and im looking forwards
    to being an activate member on this forum.

    Thats all for now

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    • Haruka
      HarukaMar 15, 2012

      By Diana, December 6, 2011 at 10:45 pmMy husband and I root for the older woman! On our windedg day I was 50, he 42. My mother could not understand why we did not apply for our marriage license prior to my birthday, within days of our windedg. I can’t imagine being married to anyone else!

  6. Yael
    YaelMar 12, 2012

    Reading this article – the present of your time

  7. William Hill
    William HillApr 01, 2012

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