Realities on Divorce, Dating, Parenting and Re-Invention

#73. The Born Again, The Moon & The Bathroom

Stock Letter P

#73. The Born Again, The Moon & The Bathroom

I went on a date with a seriously committed Church going man.  Being Jewish, and not a religious one at that, I wasn’t sure that we would have much in common.  But he was tall and he had hair.  Period.  I figured that a church goer would have clearly defined morals, was probably a decent person and he didn’t seem to mind the fact that I wasn’t Christian.  After all, Jesus was Jewish too!  I respect people that have religious convictions.  I am always amazed at the Jehovah’s Witness’ who feel so committed that they spend their spare time going door-to-door to share their beliefs with total strangers.  That’s a lot of effort.  I don’t think I believe enough in anything to exert that kind of energy.  Yoga is the closest that I come to religion I suppose.  I like Buddhism and Hinduism also.  I have thought about investigating the Hindu belief system more.  Maybe I’ll be a Hind-Jew…  But I digress.  Back to the date.

We met at a local pub.  He was attractive enough.  He explained that he was raised Catholic but his friend from the manufacturing plant that he works at got him into this new Christian Church.  He goes to Church every Sunday and belongs to a bible study group that meet twice per week.

He said he “is trying to be a good Christian”.

I said, “It sounds like you’re succeeding.”

“I’m far from being a perfect Christian”, he lamented.

“Well, no one is a perfect Christian.” I said in support.

“Jesus Christ was…” he stated with hostility as if convicting my Jewish self for the murder of Jesus Christ.

We weren’t off to a good start.  When I suggested that I bet one day Gandhi, (whom I deeply admire),  will be considered a Jesus-like prophet, my date almost combusted.  He was mortified.  Time to get off the religion topic.  I mentioned something about my son.  He asked if I were divorced.  I stated that I was.  He said that he “didn’t believe in divorce”, like it was some kind of religion one subscribes to.  He spoke of divorce as if it were an institution onto itself and I am some kind of believer.  Like every day I pray to the God of Divorce or something.  I asked him what he thought abused spouses should do if not divorce.  He didn’t know, but he was still against divorce under any circumstance.

What the hell was I doing out with this man who upon further discussion was obviously intellectually challenged?  I mean, his IQ was well below average. No kidding.  Like, selling pencil’s on the street corner slow.  It wasn’t his fault, but he was a simpleton.  I had mistaken his blind faith for a well thought out and deeply contemplated choice.  He cluelessly asked me how I thought the date was going.

“Not well.  Not well”, I admitted.

But he was a nice person and I cited our religious differences as an insurmountable obstacle in any potential future relationship between us. (In easier terms of course.)  And that was that.  This was just after the Blue Moon (the second full moon of a calendar month) on August 31st.  Since the Blue Moon, I have not been sleeping well.  Apparently the blue moon has some celestial significance as explained to me by my yoga instructor Rebecca.  She told me that the moon had ignited an intense energy where conflict is heightened and that no one is sleeping well.  More conflict?  Really?  Sigh.  I’m tired!

I thought that I wasn’t sleeping well because I have to pee every few hours.  I have to get up from my sleep and go to the bathroom only to then try to fall back asleep which takes hours.  I have no idea when urinating became such a time consuming, involved and intrusive activity.  I used to drink something and then pee.  Done.  Now as I get older, I seem to pee all the time.  It’s like I store up liquid to be expelled in frequent small quantities.   I have to calculate when to drink something as I know that for the next two hours I will then have to pee a little bit every twenty minutes.  Sure I drink a lot of water, but aren’t we supposed to? Do I have a bladder problem?

So between bad dates and peeing I am keeping pretty busy.  I hope this business with the moon subsides.  The energy feels thick.  Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know.  So what have I learned?

Lesson #1:  I probably shouldn’t date a really religious person from any faith.  We will have profoundly conflicting fundamental philosophies about life.  Look, I’m relatively new to the dating world. It seems obvious now that a devout Christian is probably not a good fit for me, but you live – you learn.

Lesson #2: There are things in the Universe at play that my pea brain cannot possibly process.  Like why and how the moon can affect human behaviour.  There are most certainly forces beyond our control, whatever they may be.  Religious, quantum or other.  No one really knows what they are.  But something is out there and part of us.  I’m not going to discount anything, but I can’t really subscribe to anything either.  I’m just going to continue to take the things that feel right from all religions and ideologies.  Having ridged attachments to belief systems will only limit my growth and understanding.  Must read up on Hinduism.

Lesson#3:  I should probably go to the doctor about my bladder.

P.S. Just booked a commercial to record next week.  Money!  Yay!  Food!  Shelter!  Thank you Universe, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Kuber & Laxmi, Gandhi, Rabbi Blitzstein and anyone else I may have left out.


  1. Eliza
    ElizaSep 10, 2012

    Nora Ephron? I love your writing. This is brilliant and hilarious. Keep writing!

  2. Helen
    HelenSep 11, 2012

    I have now gotten up off the floor from laughing! Thanks for the hilarious post…most fun I’ve had all week!

  3. Jen Browne
    Jen BrowneSep 18, 2012

    I can’t sleep either! And my bladder sucks too!
    You are so funny, I can relate to ever post!
    I look forward to each new post.
    Good Luck with the commercial.

    • Hayley
      HayleySep 18, 2012

      Geez – sorry you can relate! Thanks for reading Jen! I appreciate you taking the time to check out my blog. I am recording the new commercial today. Phew. Now I have to get about 50 more and then I can afford to live!

  4. Tammy Flores
    Tammy FloresSep 26, 2012

    People like that are way too emotional without logic. I am a “religious” person you could say, but you have to look at things from other peoples point of view. That man obviously had no idea the road you’ve been traveling. You are making a wise choice to not see him anymore. That’s the kind of thinking you can break your head on and still not get anywhere.

    I hope all is well with your bladder issues. We need our health and stregthn to cope.

    Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge
    WordPress SEO